Political Republican Opinion:
It’s not hard to pinpoint when it happened. It was back in October of 2008, nearly forty years ago, when the government passed the largest bailout in US history. That was the last year there was a Republican president and the beginning of the end of the Republican Party.
That was the last year, in fact, that there was any political Party that was capable of challenging the Democratic Party. Disgruntled Conservatives left the Republican Party in droves following the 2008 election. Their Party’s representatives in Congress and even their presidential candidate had lost track of the Conservative core values that the Republican Party had been based on, moving so far to the Left, that they had become almost indistinguishable from Democrats.
They tried to reorganize. You remember the new Conservative Party that surfaced in 2012, right? Maybe not. They never even made it onto a ballot and all but disappeared twelve years later. You still hear from a few of their more hard core members every now and then, vowing that they will make a comeback. Even the Libertarian Party has more pull than they do. They at least make it onto the ballot, splitting the vote with what’s left of the Republican Party. (Why either Party even bothers to challenge the Democratic Party year after year is beyond me.) I’m sorry … I digress.
Those who created the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 were obviously brilliant men. They were visionaries; they were men who somehow knew what it would be like today, in 2048. I shudder to think where we would be as a country had they not thought about adding all of the little extras that came along with the bank bailout. People scoffed at the time, complaining about the extra $100 billion that was added to the bill. (What a ridiculously small sum of money that seems like today.) Many people, particularly Conservatives, complained that they needed less government in their lives, not more. It’s amazing, in retrospect, that such short-sighted people were ever allowed to make policies in this country.
One of the most brilliant pieces of the legislation was the elimination of the 39-cent excise tax on children’s wooden arrows. I know that 39 cents doesn’t sound like much now, with even a pack of gum costing ten dollars and all, but it sure made a difference then. (I remember when you could get a whole pack of gum for 75 cents but it was deemed to be bad for the environment – something about the harmful effects to the one-eyed wandering whippoorwill, I recall. The taxes they have added to it for environmental cleanup have made chewing gum a luxury item now.) Sure, they explained that it was a move meant to save a toy company in Oregon from going out of business, but we know now how important that add-on to the bailout bill was.
Can you imagine what it would be like now if that important item hadn’t been added? When the Democrats replaced retiring judges with more Liberal ones, they all but eliminated the 2nd Amendment. Maybe it’s just that I’m getting too old now and my mind isn’t what it once was, but I can hardly remember what it felt like to hold a gun. Criminals still seem to be able to get their hands on them whenever they want, though. (Where they get them, I’ll never know.)
Thank God goodness our kids learned how to shoot with bows and arrows! Just last week, the cops had to retrieve the bodies of three would-be burglars from the house three doors down. I’m told that little Jimmy (he’s a lot older now, but he’ll always be “little Jimmy” to me) only had to use three arrows to take them down; one for each. Two got it through the heart and the other went right through the bastard’s eye socket, penetrating his brain. That’s some kind of shooting!
It’s alarming, however, that the Democratic Party is now considering a ban on bows and arrows and equally ironic, since they were the ones who added it to the original Bailout Bill. I don’t know how we’ll ever put meat on the table without them. It’s almost impossible to kill a deer with a knife! What the heck; the whole country’s going vegetarian anyway, it seems. I hear they are going to add a new bailout for a toy pea shooter company, however, so maybe all hope is not lost!
Another stroke of pure genius in the 2008 Emergency Economic Stabilization Act was the tax breaks that the bill gave to US wool manufacturers that use imported yarn. Since it was deemed cruel to sheep, we are no longer permitted to shear the wool from them in this country. Middle East nations have a whole new industry because of this and we gladly pour money into their economies for both sheep and llama wool.
The Democrats who were chiefly responsible for the legislation realized that the carbon emissions taxes that they added to the bill would drive up the price of fuel needed to heat homes around the country. Since only the richest people, most of them Congressmen, can afford to heat their homes now that gas is over fourteen dollars per gallon, the lower priced wool sweaters have been just what the doctor ordered. (Okay, perhaps that is just an assumption on my part. I have been waiting to see my doctor for over six months now.) Nevertheless, the men who constructed the bailout bill will forever be hailed for their foresight.
The Act appropriated money for wool research, as well. This research uncovered remarkable breakthroughs related to wool. Scientists discovered that the reason that wool shrinks when it is made into a sweater and gets wet but does not shrink when it is on a lamb that gets caught in the rain, is because a sheep’s skin excretes oils that prevent the shrinkage from occurring. The research was unfortunately a waste of money, however, since businesses are no longer allowed to use oil for anything but the few vehicles like airplanes that still must use it.
Another positive outcome of the bailout bill was the provision that forced insurance companies to include mental health and substance abuse as part of the packages that they offer. Many people, Conservatives in particular, were distraught after losing half of their savings in 2008. The most affluent really blew a gasket in subsequent years as their tax brackets eventually reached 90%. Even the working class was initially affected. Unemployment reached 18 percent as more and more business owners could not afford to pay their employees and others still, had to shut their doors.
People were a mess. Many turned to drink, becoming alcoholics while others went in for the harder drugs. Others just … well … lost their marbles (I think we are still allowed to use that term. If not, this will probably be my last public posting). You can still see some of them talking to themselves on the street – the ones who refused out of pride, to accept any help from outsiders (poor souls).
It took awhile, but people finally got used to the new world order and America’s place in it. People were weaned off of alcohol and hard drugs and those that were institutionalized became cured with the advent of a new pill called Nuphoria. Nearly 70% of the adult population is now taking advantage of the low-cost drug that just seems to make things better. You’ve heard the commercials … “Nuphoria … When life is getting you down, it takes the edge off – available at all convenience stores, supermarkets and now vending machines.”
You practically never even hear anyone argue anymore. In fact, now that I think of it, I don’t remember when the last time was that I even heard a disagreement. Things are much better now!
I, myself, would like to thank Bill W. for his guidance and for letting me believe in a higher power (we’re not allowed to use the word “God” anymore, but you know what I mean). I never would have been introduced to AA had it not been for the persistence of the early government-run health care program that I was forced to be a part of. Nowadays, the AA chapters have all but closed. Nuphoria made them irrelevant. Once again, I digress …
Not everything in the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 worked out. It wasn’t the Democrats’ fault, however. There was a provision added to the Bill that extended tax relief to motor sports racing facilities. This was absurd, in retrospect, since there hasn’t been a legally sanctioned auto race in this country for more than two decades. What a waste of fuel that ridiculous sports was! The only reason it was added to the Bill, I’m told, was to gain the votes of Republican Senators who lived in states that housed these now-defunct racing facilities.
If any of you remember horse racing, you’ll recall that it was also banned (I think it was sometime just after 2010) because of the cruelty to the poor animals that were used in that barbaric “sport.” You can still place bets on video racing, at least. The “drivers” of those vehicles really know their way around a joystick. That new twelve-year-old kid, Bobby Cartwright, has really taken the world by storm. (If only I had the reflexes I used to have, I’m sure I could have made it in that sport!)
Another ridiculous add-on to the Act was the extension of economic credit for American Samoa. We gave that island to China to pay off a portion of the debt we owed to them in 2012, I think.
All in all, however, no one could argue with the fact that the Democrats behind the Bailout Bill really knew their stuff. (Of course, no one would dare argue anyway, less they be institutionalized and placed on a Nuphoria drip). When history looks back on this century, it will surely list the creators of the Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 right up there with Thomas Jefferson!
The Political Republican Opinion Blog Quote of the Day: “A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor, the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.” – Thomas Jefferson
